The things you would never hear the Slayers say
by Nano-chan
Summary: Chapter NINE is UP! FINALLY! It's Rezo's Chapter! The title says it all......but the reason it is pg-13 is cause the swearing...Slayers already done: Phibs, Gourry, Zel, Xel, Milgazia, Lina, Amelia, and Val
1. Zelgadis

Author's Notes:  
  
I have nothing much to say but this is kinda of wierd....O_o So thats my notes and....I don't own any of the slayers. (though i wish i did! ^.^)  
  
-The Top 10 Things You Would Never Hear The Slayers Say:  
  
Zelgadis-  
  
1. Rezo is the nicest person in the world!  
  
2. Oh, Lina! I love you hair! It matches your eyes and outfit wonderfully! ^.^  
  
3. Gourry's brain power is far more superiior then mine.  
  
4. (after Xellos says 'Now that is a secret') *in valley girl voice* Oh c'mon, Xelly-kun! Details!  
  
5. Rezo I will avenge your death!  
  
6. (To Amelia) Kiss me you fool!  
  
7. MARRY ME AMELIA! (I bet you can tell that I don't really like the couple of ame/zel! but he wouldn't say that anyway...)  
  
8.Goodness gracious great balls of fire....I mean....FIREBALL!  
  
9. I don't want my cure!  
  
10. I don't care if people look at me, 'cause I'll be beautiful no matter what they think!  
  
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Bonus: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! ^.~  
  
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Nano: Well that was.......odd....O_o  
  
Xellos: .....quite....o_ô  
  
Nano: Anywaaaaaay.........R&R PLEAAAAAASE!  
  
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	2. Xellos

Author's Notes:  
  
Nano: I still have no notes......so just leave me alone! *cries* (ok except I don't own the slayers or this idea...I got the idea for this from tenshikachuu.....)  
  
Xellos: o...........k  
  
Nano: anyway just read..........  
  
-The Top 10 Things You Would Never Hear The Slayers Say:  
  
Xellos-  
  
1. Filia I love YOU! (think about it...Xellos would NEVER say that!)  
  
2. I love EVERYONE!  
  
3. I will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (O_o)  
  
4. That is not a secret! ^_~  
  
5. I don't feel like causing pain and chaos right now...  
  
6. LA LA LA LA LA! I'm not listening to you Beast Master! *hold hands over his ears  
  
7. You want me to be on the dragon's side? SURE! ^_^  
  
8. What do you mean I'm a demon? How rude of you to say such a thing!  
  
9. JUSTICE IS IN MY HEART!  
  
10. Xellos/Amelia and Xellos/Filia Fanfics RULE! *waves around a banner that says 'Xel/Ame and Xel/Filia Forever!'*  
  
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Bonus: I hate picking on Zelgadis and Lina! it's not fun at ALL! _  
  
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Nano: Wow...........thats was even odder than the first chapter........  
  
Xellos: I kinda do like the Me/Ame and Me/Filia Fics.......  
  
Nano: O.O WHY?!  
  
Xellos: cause usually I get some action in those ^.~ *winks*  
  
Nano: O.K. then I'll do a Xel/Lina fic where you get some action! ^.^  
  
Xellos: REALLY!? 0.0 *Gets that oh so happy grin on his face again*  
  
Nano: Ya you'll get some action........where Lina kicks you're ass all the way to Seyrrunn!  
  
Xellos: ..........thats not really what I was hoping for......  
  
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R&R! 


	3. Valgavv

Author's Notes:  
  
I just wanted to say to all you people who like the Lina/gourry couple or Ame/Zel or Xellos/Filia that I do not do stories with those couples...I'm sorry but its just not my thing... I don't own any of the slayers so lay off!  
  
  
  
-The things you would never hear the Slayers say:  
  
Valgavv-  
  
1. I HATE Gavv!  
  
2. I love all golden dragons and Mazoku *gets all the dragons and demons in a big bear hug*  
  
3. (To Lina) I want you, and I want you now......*tackles Lina* (0_0)  
  
4. Tee hee!  
  
5. I don't want avenge Gavv's death!  
  
6. I'm an undercover agent for Hellmaster Phibrizo.  
  
7. *in a cutsy voice* Xewwos is my bestest fwiend ever! *giggles*  
  
8. Following the code of Justice is the BEST path to take!  
  
9. My personal Bio: I like to destroy the world, kill people, and in my spare time sit by a nice warm fire and read romance novels. (AN: ...)  
  
10. Remember you're not half INsane, you're half sane! Always think the positve!  
  
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Bonus: Damn you GAVV! DAMN YOU TO HELL! (AN: .....wow.....)  
  
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Nano: ..................................  
  
Xellos: *waves hand in front of Nano's face* Nano? you ok? EARTH TO NANO!  
  
Nano: *blinx* oh....sorry! ^_^ I was just busy wallowing in self pity because I suck at writing.....  
  
Xellos: riiiiiiiggghttttt.................  
  
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R&R! PLZ! I don't care if you flame me just do it! *gets in the cheerleading suit like she did in sleepover and does the cheer* Now quit readin and R&R! 


	4. Lina

-The Top 10 things you would never hear the Slayers say:  
  
Lina-  
  
1. (to any of the slayers guys) *cat call* why doncha come over here hot stuff (AN:....O_O)  
  
2. Marry me HALLIS! (and the name is interchangable see.....Marry me GOURRY! or Marry me Zangulus, and ext.)  
  
3. *whistles to get everytones attention* Everyone! I wear a training bra and I'm proud of it!  
  
4. Money doesn't make the world go 'round!  
  
5. Slugs are soooooooo KAWAII! ^_^  
  
6. *stares Luna right in the face* Your a whore! Yeah you heard me! a whore!  
  
7. Oh Gourry please protect me from that ugly monster!  
  
8. Yes, Xellos is my lover! (N: *falls out of her chair laughing* Xellos: Hey it could happen! N: I luv the X?/L couple but I just find that funny cause this old fic I wrote...)  
  
9. *points at Zelgadis* I did have sexual relations with that rock. (AN: I'm making fun of Bill Clinton.....oh yeah and I do like the Z/L couple but I just had to put that)  
  
10. (to Amelia) Come Amelia! And let us spread justice about this evil world!  
  
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Bonus: (AN: if you read the Valgavv one then you'll understand this.) *after Valgavv tackled her in The top 10 things you would never hear the slayers say: Valgavv* Yes Val-kun! I want you too!  
  
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Nano: I have now officially decided that i suck at writing...  
  
Xel: Why?  
  
Nano: Cause I'm running out of ideas........  
  
Xel: I can help your writers block.........  
  
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*crashing of glass and puching is heard in the back ground then Nano yelling "R&R! D***** you Xellos!"* 


	5. Amelia

Author's Notes:  
  
This is the most vulgur thing I have ever written...anyway, I don't own the Slayers. though i wish i did.  
  
-The top 10 things you would never hear the Slayers Say:  
  
Amelia-  
  
1. (to all the Slayers) Go to Hell! Go to Hell and BURN! (AN: ...I have no comment.)  
  
2. *looks over to where Lina and Zel are talking and laughing (Though Zel doesn't laugh much...)* Lina you bitch! Quit flirting with MY Zelgadis! *Lina and Zel sweatdrop*  
  
3. *in a seductive voice* Hey, Zelgadis-san, wanna go in the back room and f***? *Zel falls down anime style*  
  
4. EVIL WILL PREVAIL!  
  
5. I hate you FATHER! *Kills Phil then starts laughing evilly* *All the slayers gasp (She said FATHER! Oh dear!)*  
  
6. Zel, or Zelgadis , or Lina, or Xellos, or Gourry, or...ect. (AN: She always says mister or miss before a name.)  
  
7. *Blasts Fireballs at a village.* Burn Baby BURN! (O.o)  
  
8. I don't love Zelgadis-san! I love Filia-san!  
  
9. (AN: Yes I have done one like this before but it still works...) My personal Bio: Spreadin justice, giving speeches in realy high places, and throwing darts at pictures of Lina-san Because Zelgadis-san has always liked her better. (Nano: *Falls out of her comfy comp chair*)  
  
10. I will crush you with the hammer of unjusticeness!  
  
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Bonus: (After Zel says "Marry me Amelia" in The top 10 things you would never hear the Slayers Say: Zelgadis) Hell NO!  
  
Bonus #2: I hate you all, your moms a whore! (Nano: That quote was taken from a blink 182 song that I listen to alot)  
  
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Nano: *coughthatcoughsuckedcough*  
  
Xellos: *thwaps Nano with her own Almighty bunny slipper of doom*  
  
Nano: oooooowwwwwww! Hey thats MY slipper! And thwap is MY word! *thwaps Xellos with HER Almighty Bunny Slipper of Doom* R&R pleeeeeeeeease!  
  
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	6. Gourry

Author's notes:  
  
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la......(I think you should have figured out by now that I dun have any notes...)  
  
-The Top 10 thing you would never hear the Slayers say:  
  
Gourry-  
  
1. Hammer come forth! (Nano: remember when gourry's Hikari no ken got mixed up with those other swords and he got the one with the hammer?)  
  
2. No Lina's chest is much bigger than you think it is see? *holds up one of Lina's bras  
  
that really isn't one of Lina's bras but none other than Naga's* (Nano: does Naga even wear a bra?)  
  
3. Lina I'm not hungry right now. You can have my food. *Gourry grin* (N: *facefaults*)  
  
4. Zel is a chimera?! why didn't you tell me?! (N: actually he might say that but still...)  
  
5. Oh LON help me! Lon? Lon, isn't that a breakfast cereal?  
  
6. Lina?! You threw away my La La dress?! I was going to wear that to my wedding!  
  
7. Zelgadis the blue nosed Chimera, had a very pointy nose, and if you ever touched it, you would even say it's painfully sharp. (N: that is going to be in one of my songs on Xellos's Christmas Songs)  
  
8. Hmmm...lets see...If I cut that troll with my sword then he'll falls on that one leaving it denfenseless then you guys can.....*All the Slayers (Minus Gourry) sweatdrop at the extremely detailed plan*  
  
9. Oh my GOD! You killed that big bad guy! You bastard!  
  
10. (Dubbed Gourry) Hikari no Ken? What's that?  
  
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Bonus: *Holds up that bunny/cat thing from Next* AWWWW! ITS SOOOOOOO CUTE!  
  
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Nano: *once again falls out of her comfy comp chair*  
  
Xellos: I wonder why you always end up falling out of that chair...  
  
Nano: It's possessed I tell you! POSSESSED! *is being dragged away by men in white suits* (N: maybe its the backstreet boys....*coughIcoughhatethemcough*) 


	7. Milgazia

Author's Notes:  
  
I don't own Milly-kun *sighs* or the rest of the slayers for that matter...  
  
IMPORTANT...kinda...: This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful author Shadowdancer. I salute to you o great writer. ^_^  
  
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TTTTYWNHTSS: Milgazia  
  
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1. ~Singing~ (Nano: remember the song Amelia was singing at the begining of Try on top of that really high place? ya well this is a parody of it) A dragon with Xellos there by his side always has to fear, cause he will most likely kill you single-fingerdly. (O.O;)  
  
2. (Nano: this is making fun of li'l red riding hood talking to the wolf) Mil: What a big nose you have Filia.... Filia: *twitch* Mil: ...and my what big earrings you have! Filia: They aren't earrings! IT'S A HEADDRESS!  
  
3. ~Singing~ I like Lina's butt and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, when Lina walks in with that itty bitty waist and that round thing in your face you get sprung! *Lina walks in, beats Mil into submission, (Nano: I'm sorry Mil-sama!) then leaves* well...I still got sprung...  
  
4. (in the labyrinth thingy where the Claire Bible is) ~talking to Lina~ MARCO! *waits for Lina to say polo...*  
  
5. Sore wa himitsu desu....heh heh *waggles his finger*  
  
6. Lina: Milgazia...cover me... *readies a spell to throw at Saygram* Mil: Ok! *holds up a pair of pink underwear and a yellow pair both having a picture of a chibi gloden dragon on the front* pink or yellow?  
  
7.Oh no! Xellos-sama you have dirt on your shoe! *spits on his shoe then wipes his shoe clean with a wash cloth*  
  
8. *Holds up a can of Xengles (pringles)* Once you pop the carnage don't stop! ^_^  
  
9. Y'know Lina the person who gave me this jewel-clasp thing that holds my cloak inhances sexual pleasure. Wanna try it out? *Lina faints* Did I say something wrong?  
  
10.Yo queiro (forgot how to spell it...) Lina Inverse *Minna sweatdrops*  
  
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Bonus: (After Gourry asks what the war of the monster's fall was.) ~to Gourry~ If ignorance is bliss you must be orgasmic...(Nano: My FAVE insult!)  
  
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Love it? Hate it? Whatever your oppinion, REVIEW! ^_^ 


	8. Phibrizo

Nano: *is sitting at her computer in her usual jeans and T-shirt*  
  
Nano's Grandma: Nano-dear that outfit simply does not fit you!  
  
Nano: *looks down at her clothes* well they sure look like they fit to me...  
  
N.G.: No no no! Not like that! I mean you should be in something more colorful and vibrant!  
  
*Nano (whom is wearing dark colors) sweatdrops*  
  
N.G.: *tackles Nano and dust comes up around the two so you can't see what they're doing*  
  
*the tackling and fighting ends*  
  
Nano: *looks down to see herself in one of those bunny suit thingies that is a pink leatard with white tights, bunny ears, and a fluffy tail* wha.................? *sniffle* I ca..can't believe you! *sobs* GRAMMY YOUR SO MEAN!  
  
NG: The only way I'll leave you alone is if you call me that name..........  
  
Nano: .......*glares* no........  
  
NG: Oh c'mon say grammy's fanvourite name......  
  
Nano: *Mumbles something*  
  
NG: What was that?  
  
Nano: *mumblewhispermumble*  
  
NG: Speak up! *glares at Nano*  
  
Nano: ......Glammy..........  
  
NG: YEAH! you always used to call me that! ^_^ *snuggles Nano* guess what it's short for?  
  
Nano: I already know...........  
  
NG: GLAMOROUS!  
  
Nano:.............  
  
(Please excuse My grand mother...she like to stick her nose into my business a lot...)  
  
Nano: Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.........on vith zhe ficcies!  
  
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TTTTYWNHTSS: Phibrizo  
  
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1. *sits down and starts eating his fave immortal cookie that whenever you take a bite more cookie comes back* munch munch munch! I love you cookie! ^_^ *Gavv comes in steals the cookie, then teleports away snickering* WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MY COOKIE!  
  
2. Lina Inverse.........your choices are.......I kill your friends or......you give me a HUG! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Nano: *gives phibby a hug* Phibs: ...)  
  
3. ~singing~ Supersadomasochisticexpialidoscious! (Nano: I love the fic that had Lina and Xellos singing that.....plz person who wrote that don't sue meeeeeee!)  
  
4. Phibby: *Sees Lina holding those balls he had in next* Oh goody Lina! You finally found my balls! ^_^ Lina: *sweatdrops* ...I wonder if Nano meant to make it sound like that......? (Nano: OFCOURSE I DIDN'T....okay...maybe just a li'l...)  
  
5. Phibby: *knocks on Gavv's door* Gavv: *opens door* what the....? Phibby: *holds up some poisined chocolates* HAPPY MAZOKUTINES DAY! Gavv: I didn't know you cared!  
  
6. *is watching The little mermaid and gets a little too carried away* KISS THE GIRL DAMNIT!  
  
7. ((Karoake Night)) ~Singing~ Pink is my favourite Color!! I see pink when I turn out the light!  
  
8. ((At the gates of hell)) ~In sugary nice voice~ Hello, and welcome to hell! I'll be your tour guide. And make sure to stay by your assigned buddy! Cause I'm sure you don't wanna be falling into the hell fires you'll see on your right!  
  
9. Phibs: Ahhh......I love the smell of peace and justice in the morning....*sighs*  
  
Xellos: ...geez whats he been smoking...?  
  
10. Xellos: Master I just found out that.......OH MY LINA IN HER UNDERWEAR! (Nano: inside joke...) Phibs: SOME PRIVACY PLEASE! *is currently in his bath tub playing with a chibi Lina doll* (Nano: Not playing like that! gah you guys can be SO perverted at times! Xellos: .....Nano.....you're the one who was thinking that....... Nano: Shut up Xel...)  
  
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Nano: *is still in the bunny suit* I.....hate......my.......life  
  
NG: I know you do bun bun abbat! *snuggles Nano* (Nano: Bun Bun abbat was my nickname when I was little......)  
  
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R&R! *Hops (still in the bunny suit) to go get changed into some none colorful clothes......* 


	9. Rezo

Hajime Kanashi owns all....kind of....  
  
Nano: Konnichiwa, it's Nano, back from writers-block-city. I watched a little Slayers and now I'm ready.....  
  
Xellos: Nano have you seen my boxers? I've been looking for them all day...  
  
Nano: O.O um...Xel...I...er...  
  
Xellos: oh cmon you have to have seen them....they have chibi Nano's all over them....*pouty face*  
  
Nano: .....Xellos that is the scariest thing I have ever heard or seen...  
  
Xellos: So you saw them?!  
  
Nano: No...but I did see this fanfic, so shut up and let me write it!  
  
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The top ten things you would never hear the Slayers Say:  
  
Rezo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~~~  
  
1. ((Karaoke Night))~singing~ I'm red dabadee dabadye, dabadee...(Xel: what were you sniffing when you came up with that? Nano: ...)  
  
2. Rezo: Zelgadis come in here right now!  
  
Zel: *walks in* what?  
  
Rezo: Have you seen it?!  
  
Zel: *sweatdrop* Seen what?  
  
Rezo: My Jangle Stick (Nano: Copyrighted to Red Priest inc.), I lost my Jangle stick, have you seen it?  
  
Zel: *sweatdrop gets bigger then he whacks Rezo over the head with it* (Nano: I know where his Jangle Stick is *giggles like a giddy school girl* Xel: oh no it's Nano's alter ego! Ms. Giggly Pants! Nano: ....)  
  
3. Rezo: *finishes reading (on the comp) the part of Taming the Wolf by Emperor's Sister where him and Lina...you know.....* Gods that was a turn on! ^_^  
  
Chibi Nano: *pops up on Rezo's shoulder* How many times have I told you NOT to use my computer to read LEMON FICS?!?!?!?!  
  
4. Nano: Why is your hair so messed up all of the time Rezo-san?  
  
Rezo: Well...hair gel was never a very good friend of mine...*sweatdrop*  
  
5. Eris: *with evil eyes* Tell me your my b****!  
  
Rezo: *cowering in corner* I'm your b****....(Xel: were you in my glue stash again? Nano: nooooooo *turns around and sniffing noises are heard*)  
  
6. Please...call me....Rezo the Red Pervert....  
  
7. Zel: ....Rezo, why in the nine hells was there a teddy bear in your lab?!  
  
Rezo: You didn't do anything to it did you....?  
  
Zel: Key word in my sentence; WAS!  
  
Rezo: Injustice! *whaps Zel continually with his...jangle stick* (Nano: so he found it after all....)  
  
8. Rezo: Hey Nano, did you know that if you put the al in galore in front of the rest of the word that it would spell Al Gore? Nano: ....heeeeey...I thought I was the only one who knew that...  
  
9. Click Click Derk.....hm...that sounds strangely familiar (never seen the new episodes of south park? then you won't get that)  
  
10. ~singing~ My bum is on the sweedish, the sweedish....(o_o;)  
  
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Nano: well that's it for now, bai bai folks!  
  
Xellos: .......  
  
Nano: Xellos, don't you have something sassy to say before I end this?  
  
Xellos: ~singing~ my bum is on the gum my bum is on the gum!- *is cut off by Nano taping his mouth shut*  
  
Nano: thats quite enough of that.....  
  
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If you R&R I'll give you candy! 


End file.
